For me, being a logical person, it’s either yes or no, 1 or 0, completeness or nothing. “Middleness”, as I call it, never worked for me. The joy of being a disciple of the controller of Siddhashram, an enviable achievement, was enough to make me misinterpret things. Without any preparations, I jumped straight to an anushthan. At 21, I was already late for heaven’s throne.

Guru mantra was the obvious choice and my goal was to chant 151 rounds a day for 11 days using a rosary made of 108 beeds. After a pleasant start, things began to deteriorate rapidly. My throat chocked, my body ached like I was being crushed by a bulldozer and my mind submerged in nasty thoughts I never knew I had. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t chant more than 16 rounds.

Not what I wanted, I got what I needed – a lesson and I learnt it.

I trained hard, I trained my mind and I trained my body. Three years later, there was a great day when I had completed my Guru mantra anushthan chanting 201 rosary rounds each day concentrating on a single thought – the thought of my reward – brightly lit by the Sun of my agya chakra – standing right in front of me – my Gurudev.